Stand By Your Clown

Well tonight we were suppose to have a night of DEBAUCHERY. Usually at this time, I would be printing out my set list, triple checking everything in my suitcase and configuring a makeshift wheeled contraption consisting of a handcart, the raffle and gig bag, bassoon,  floor length mirror and our marquee sign. Thank God for bungee cords.

I would carefully scoot it over to Clown Kong's house, a sparkle studded white girl trying to move about inconspicuously through a Bedstuy neighborhood. We would then bounce hosting bit ideas together as we put on our makeup and head off to the venue together. Sometimes he needing some of my mine, but often times me bumming off of him. But tonight instead, I am writing this.

As I finish off my first year of producing, I really take stock on all the responsibilities that come with being a producer. And a co-producer. Working all sorts of shows and venues around the tri-state area, I remember my good and bad experiences with different places. I keep that in mind when I think of my performer's happiness. As much as I hated having to cancel the show that was expected to happen tonight, missing out on seeing my good friend Jelly Boy the Clown, Debauchery is instead on the hunt for a new home.

Three of Cups

We pride ourselves in making Debauchery a wild and spirited experience. The "professional shit-show" we loving refer it as, there are certain things that were not working at Three of Cups Lounge. While we and the venue could not agree on the original financial arrangement, and took it upon themselves to simply not pay us for our last show, we did agree on one thing- Debauchery was way too big and awesome for their venue. With our rock band, and a full two set cast of performers, raffle and games- we were definitely not the atmospheric performance slot usually seen there. That was the show presented to them initially and I guess after a couple shows, they decided our show "isolated their customers." We decided it was time to look for a new home once we experience hostility and refusal of payment at the last show, but wanted to spare the next month cast of a cancellation.

All I care to say about that is I truly doubt that both Clown and I would misunderstand the financial arrangement presented to us. We both met with the booker together, and both hung out with the person separately to talk about the show. Instead of charging a cover, we were allowed to do a raffle and tips and get a cut of the bar sales. I produced three times there. Our last show, Clown's 50th birthday show and the little spin off show House of Sin, when we had to reschedule Debauchery due to a family emergency. I did not play music from my DJ set list the entire night for either show and still got my bar cut. In fact, I remember it being said that there was no problem with the bartender playing off a personal iPod at the end of the show. For both shows, both Clown and I were never warned "now this was the original arrangement, next time have a DJ playing till close" - we just got our cut. But last show it suddenly was a problem. If we were expected to follow those terms, then that would have happened first show, no problem, no questions asked. So I find this treatment perplexing and flat out shady.

Lesson learned? The importance of written contracts. So we will move on to kinder tides. The place had a good vibe for us, but it really was a tight space. And I agree that we could use a bigger stage and dressing room. Their sound guy/barback was as sweet as could be and many of their customers were very enthusiastic and showed us lots of love. I wish nothing but the best of luck to Three of Cups and whoever decides to produce there in the future.

 Three of Cups

DEBAUCHERY is will be turning five years old next month. It has been at several venues, it will go on. I am also not his first co-producer, and I feel incredibly honored to be chosen to carry the torch when Stormy Leather got married. He could had a big community to pick from but saw something in me and took a chance. So I must stand by my Clown. Wherever we hang our sign is our home. I know this show is his baby, and means the world to him. Bringing the show back to the neighborhood certainly raised our spirits and made the show even better than it was before. I sure miss Kings County Saloon though, that place was like our playground. If only we could have picked up the entire building and moved it to the East Village. 

 King County Saloon

I'd rather close out my blog with a happy story. Last year's show "My Bloody Valentine" was a very spirited night. I remember that I went with the bloody Valentine theme because I was a bit heartbroken and going through a lot of changes. My life was taking a complete 180 degree flip, a guy I was starting to get cozy with got spooked after seeing our first show, I was adjusting to life after the Slipper Room and the morning of the show I found out my cat was experiencing kidney failure. He would need to receive daily treatments. Stuff such as this comes in threes. What better way to deal than some stage therapy? So we made that a recurring theme throughout the night. We had Miss Vivian do a needle piercing burlesque act, Lewd Alfred Douglas as Lady Bathory , the very handsome Eli Rose and two of my favorite heart throbs, Pinkie Special and Minx Arcana. 

I raffled off the panties I was wearing for the show and my "big brother" Johnny Horrible won them. He couldn't wait to put them on, and they surprisingly fit nicely! He kept them on over his jeans for the rest of the night. I closed the show with a revised version of my Beauty Queen deconstruction act that I sometimes do for private birthday parties. It uses a mix of Leslie Gore's "It's My Party" and Daft Punk's "Lose Yourself to Dance". 

Blue is really his color!

I played a drunk girl that finds out her man leaving her for another woman on her damn birthday. She then goes on a self loathing binge on cupcakes, is horrified when she realizes she's being watched and then starts smashing them all over herself in an imploding outrage. I then walk over and bring out another plate of cupcakes, simply drop the entire plate on the floor and belly flop onto them. I kinda just went into a free for all slip-and-slide break dance improv session while Clown started the curtain call. I was already butt naked covered in cake but the cast came out one by one to the sweet beat and proceeding to mash cupcakes all over me. I got a lot of frosting filled kisses. I gotta say it felt wonderful to unhinge, be raw with an unsuspecting audience.

 As I kept scooting and sliding all over the stage, my cast were dancing around, shouting 


                                              "FUCK THAT GUY, FUCK THAT GUY!"

That's what we call closure. For sure. I struggled to my knees to wrangle the microphone with my cake crusted knuckles. In a sheepish shrug, I cry out

          "I can't see why this guy broke up with me ladies and gentlemen, GOOD NIGHT!"

That was the night Matt Dallow told me that he now sees what Clown saw in me. It was also the night that Eli Rose gave us our tagline....

DEBAUCHERY- The Show That Lives Up to Its Name!

I'm looking forward to many more shows like that. Happy Thursday everyone.

Take Me With You

I once worked part time at a little bakery in the Upper East Side. A small cafe about a block from Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum, so we frequently had tourists from all over the world. That was one perk of the job, because I would meet a lot of interesting people.

There was once one man in particular. An older gentleman, probably in his early sixties, wardrobe being high end but causal, black slacks, boots and a gray turtleneck sweater. He always ordered very particularly but was never rude about it. Of course he wasn't, he couldn't because he was Canadian. At least that's what he told me. He could have been lying about everything he told me during his two months stay but something in my gut knew I could believe him.

Out of respect, I never researched who he was from the clues he provided, but from what I took he made his success in the entertainment world. "I was in the right place at the right time when rock n' roll became big in Canada." Besides his success in music, he also owned a radio station, or did at least at some point in his career. Now he just travels and lives on a small island, I believe in Europe, filled with eccentric artists. Right away he saw something in me, even more than I probably believed in myself. In him, I found a familiar comfort of being in like minded company, which I don't find often.

"My dear, believe me when I tell you there are like minded people like you out there. How lucky it is that we found each other, that I could be a guide at this point in your life. Don't feel so alone, though I know it is hard sweetie. We're here, but mainly on this little island I now live on. I can't tell you much about it. But you would love it there, people truly living on a higher plane."

 I never pried, but soaked up his every words. I enjoyed the days I got to see him and the little gems of encouragement. He really motivated me to write. How much I wanted to be a part of his world. Artists, musicians, innovators, living in sustainable luxury with other enlightened people. I sorta resented that my role in his life was that of service. They say to always surround yourself where you want to be, which is why I choose to commute further up into the city for work. Why I dress for the role I want in life. Except when I have to dress in uniform, which is one of the pitfalls of rubbing elbows when you are waitstaff. 

As glamorous as burlesque can be, very few artists in the city perform exclusively. The majority of the working performers freelance in other arenas, have part time jobs or spouses and partners to help support them. I have never lived with a boyfriend, so I've been on my own my entire burlesque career. I'm not ashamed of having another job, it's smart and safe to have a multiple sources of income, especially now that I produce a regular monthly show. But customer service can be trying at times, and you definitely are given a sense of separation with the rest of the public. I felt like I belonged with him and his world, but wasn't there yet. I'm glad he understood and never treated me inferior to him. I've noticed that the most successful people in life are often like that. It's a commonality, positive kind people move up in life. 

When his time in New York was coming to a close, I tried to give him my email address but he politely refused. I don't blame him. He knows people from all around the world and told me he only corresponds with a handful of close friends. And as much I would have wanted to see him again, I wouldn't want it be in the same scenario. In fact, if he were to come back the next winter and I was still there, I think I would have felt so ashamed. We would have both been equally disappointed. So I left the cafe that autumn.

Whenever I get caught up in the petty drama of the industry, or begin to question my ambitions, I think of him and the island. I pick myself back up, wipe away my tears and continue on my path. It's not like others, it may be slower or faster than most, but it's my journey. I hope that when he comes back to the cafe and asks for me, the staff will tell him that I left to explore acting. And he will smile silently to himself, then return to his coffee and notebook. 

I'll one day find that island.

Impressionable Kids

I want to tell you about the time I did a photoshoot with my friend Shane Velasquez and his girlfriend Cherry Delight. She picked me for this shoot because I had a striking resemblance to one of her friends. A doppelganger. And she wanted twin minions; kneeled alongside her lap with intricate matching costumes, although they were not much clothing. It was a Satanic photoshoot.

I agreed to do the shoot though I did feel a twinge of moral concern. I was interested in the experience, it sounded dark and different. I've always have felt a pulsating lure towards those which are unusual. Though I had not been to church in over a decade, and have never identified that connection I was suppose to feel being raised Christian, I still had the fear of God in me. I justified this as like a Renaissance painting, a representation of the devil like the great cathedrals I saw in France when I was twelve. I love those intense images of Lucifer devouring children. I figured that God knows that I don't idolize Satan and that it's just for art.

When I met my partner in the empty studio space, I didn't see the spitting image like I had hoped. Oh well, but we did share some feature. My doppelganger is still at large. It kinda makes one think about how one perceives his or herself, compared to how others view you. Nevertheless, she was fun and friendly enough.

It took longer to get everything set up to shoot. Cherry put a lot of details into costuming, and did not have an assistant. Fresh white roses strung and tied around our necks like garland, tight strung black waist clinchers and painted pink nipples, tips and toes. Nothing more except make up. 


Cherry was dressed almost like a fetish latex Lucifer. Her face was covered in a black sheep like horned gas mask, a coyote's skull in a bed of blood dripped rose petals. Long black spiky gloves, pentagram of blood on her chest, breasts bloodied, ready for feeding. Shane first had us twins pose together against the wall. Weirdest prom date photos ever.

The altar was ready. My older Christian sister texted me but I told her I'd have to get back to her later. I kneeled to the left side and she to the right. We began shooting. The experience made me realize how straight I really am, because I got absolutely no joy out of it. I did it for the art. We must not have had much time left in the rental room because not too long after, I heard a knock on the door...

                                                                      Lelio Orsi  

I will never forget the look on those children's faces. They came in so innocent, had a concerned look like they realized they interrupted something, then a look of horror once it registered what was interrupted. The parents were oblivious at first, yapping at one another "why hasn't their dance class started?" then fell silent while one little Jewish boy closed the door before the outburst of protest erupted. Shane just kept shooting. 



There are no pictures online to show. Sometimes the best photos are. I wonder what those children thought about when they laid in bed that night. 

The Coney Island Double Horror Feature

 

This weekend was the Double Horror Burlesque Feature down in Coney Island. We had Serial Killer Burlesque VII and Killer Clowns of Coney Island. It was my second time producing at Coney Island and my first time hosting at the Sideshows by the Seashore.

I was extremely thrilled that It's A Little Stormy gave me a chance to help out with her with her Serial Killer Show. Living upstate, sometimes it's hard for her to make it to her shows and I offered to help her as co-producer in case she was stuck up in the mountains again. I have always enjoyed working with Little Stormy because she never censors my art. She encourages me to get wild on stage, and it's something about the magic of Coney that lets me feel like I can be the freak I am on the inside. My first performance in one of her shows was "Twilight Zone Burlesque" that was done in complete grayscale. I only took the gig because I happened to have an entire black and white costume for a cutesy silent film act I created a long time ago. Picking the Twilight Zone episode "The 16mm Shrine" transformed that cheeky little act into this incredibly intense story of an aging woman grasping onto her youth. My act ran over six and half minutes, way over the standard burlesque performance, to the complete Mars Volta song "Roulette Dares (In The Haunt Of)" and Stormy never complained about the time. The crazy guitar solo was her mental breakdown, the act took on a whole new level than the actual episode. I felt the connection to the character because I sometimes wish I could go back and make changes to my early burlesque career. I must say the experience completely changed my feelings about the art I wanted to bring to stage. Yes, burlesque involves nudity, but it's so much more than that. I wanted to tell stories, create a reaction out of the audience besides tightness in their pants. I have never performed the cutesy version since.


As much as I love creating interesting and complex acts, my experience in the burlesque community and everything I learned from working so closely with the Slipper Room made me also understand not all producers or audience are not fit for such acts. Some people come to shows as a pleasant escape from a stressful work week. They want a little humor, and a little sparkle. I have acts to fit these certain needs but I know whenever I work with Little Stormy, I can go balls to wall. And acts like that is what I look most forward to. When I first performed in her Serial Killer show, I did a tribute to Aileen Wuornos and Stormy told me that the act brought tears to her eyes. I put a lot of thought and research into this act, exploring the roots behind such vicious murders. Why she stood out so uniquely as a ruthless serial killer, not normally a slot for a woman to be in. But if you learned about her life, you can't really blame her. She went through so much abuse in her childhood, adulthood, all her life that one day she just snapped. Though I do feel sympathy to her innocent victims, I also feel an incredible pity for her. And I feel my act pays a proper tribute to her life, victims and circumstances. I think any girl that has been exploited or hurt by men can understand what brought her to such insanity.

                       A man hater- but can you blame her?


Producing this show also allowed me to make a few other people's dream come true. For one, my friend Obsidian Absurd made her debut there and also my darling co-host Clown Kong. I was very surprised that Clown had never performed at the Sideshows by the Seashore, he loves Coney Island so much. He always says that his two favorite holidays are "Halloween and Mermaid Parade"- and I think that's why we get along so well. It's mine too. We had such a great time hosting together, I may even say (write) that it was our best show yet. I felt at home. Clown really shined that night. His roommates came to the show, dressed also in clown face, and I got a good laugh seeing them beam about the show as we were crammed in a taxi on the way home. Three drunk clowns all stuffed into the backseat. I wish my camera hadn't died because that would have been a great sight to share.




    Matt Knife as HH Holmes       The darling Obsidian Absurd

30 Day Writing Challenge

Hello everyone,


Sincerely Yours here. Yes, I know it has been a long time. I apologize for such a long absence. There has been so much that has happened since my last entry and I don't know where to begin. It's been a challenge figuring out the best way to talk about the last three years of my life. So I started to think about that time I met the author Ron Rosenbaum, a writer mainly of non-fiction. I met him at a coffee shop in Midtown at a communal table and wound up talking about writing.

A few weeks later, we met up to have lunch at a nearby Indian restaurant. Probably the nicest one I have ever been. He let me pick his brain for a bit as he picked about the rest of the several dishes we ordered. One thing I will never forget is how he described his process. He told me:

        "Write everyday. Get yourself a good book, a good pen and start the habit of writing something everyday. Even if it's just ten minutes. It doesn't matter what, just write something everyday."

So that's what I decided I should do. I have committed to this by writing something here everyday for the next 30 days. With my schedule it certainly will not be a set time but I promise to share something every single day to those who care to read it.  

I'm getting very excited about the next big Debauchery show. It will be our first show back since Kings County Saloon closed down and also Clown's 50th birthday! 

As much I loved our personal little home at Kings County Saloon, it's great to be back in the East Village. Clown's Debauchery show was originally home there, to several different venues. His former co-producer owned Kings County Saloon, so we moved there back in January. 

Doing this show together at a new venue is almost like a re-affirmation of our commitment to one another as co-producers. When I heard the news and Clown talking about finding a new venue, it was kind but also kinda a relief. I am a baby producer, he took a chance with me when I had only produced one show in my career at that time. So it made me happy to know he take me with him to the next new adventure, next night spot. The show will go on!

XXXO,

Sincerely Yours

Wow, was last week's Glitter Gutter amazing or what? In case you weren't there, Scotty the Blue Bunny was back in town from Germany and it was his birthday! The staff of the Slipper Room had been buzzing about it all week, how excited we were to see him. Scotty the Blue Bunny was a frequent emcee at the old Slipper Room, so anyone on staff that were not familiar with him were quickly educated by the older staff. I remember one time when we were decorating the new club seeing an old flyer with Scotty touting a glorious porno mustache. What a legend. It was almost like we were anticipating the Easter Bunny.

Even the customers were excited. There was definitely a shift in energy transitioning from Debauchery and the Glitter Gutter. Different walks of life came in. Friends proudly and eagerly walking in sporting big bunny ear headbands, even bringing little homemade gifts. Here is a cute little toy bunny I snapped at the bar.

At the end of the night, I cleared the tables and scooped up all the candles onto my tray. I like to keep them lit so I can still see where I am walking around the main floor. I whizzed by the remaining performers and regulars, it's sorta like our end of the night staff party.  More like family time.

Scotty's eyes lit up when he saw me with the tray and we looked at each other with this strange excitement. Without saying a word I rushed up to him and he proceeded to blow out the pretty tealights like the tray was an enormous birthday cake.  "Happy Birthday Bunny!" I shouted, and I felt like a little kid again playing make believe. Scotty the Blue Bunny kinda has that effect on people, he brings out this joy and wonderment. Standing larger than life, he is just himself in a bright skin tight blue bunny outfit, a character all on his own. He's naturally the center of attention but also is considerate and generous about praising others, even on his own birthday he acknowledged me and Chris Harder's birthday, which are only a day apart.

I remember the first time I met was on New Years Eve 2012. He greeted me with a full on open mouth kiss. I didn't mind, just laughed. Kisses were spread throughout that night more than glitter but I was alone that night. When the ball dropped I was throwing confetti off the balcony onto the crowd with Nick, even he has his girlfriend there to smooch in the new year. So a little later one of the Coney boys stopped by for a drink. He too missed a kiss at whatever nearby party he had come from, so he laid one of me by the DJ booth. I remember Mel Frye noticing from across the bar and I started blushing. Later that night another certain boylesque performer grabbed me behind the curtain, while drunk customers danced away the disappointments of the previous year. I didn't mind as I considered him a friend and just went with it. I like boys and so I was still kissing a cute boy. Kissing a gay man was hot and it made me feel like I was the man. I scooped him up in my arms and threw him up against the wall and as he straddled his legs around me. Although I went unscathed that night, not everyone else did, as we found a naked man passed out in one of the bathroom stalls. It took four of us and a handcart to wheel him out of the club, having to use the elevator as stairs were not an option. It was cold and snowy out but our cab we flagged down was reluctant to take the fare. We hurried him into the back and spent a good five to ten minutes pleading and negotiating with the driver to take this man back home to Brooklyn. 

It was a pleasure working with you...

Photo by Delysia LaChatte

Last Thursday was my last night posing with the Society of Illustrators. I have been asked to start working Thursday nights at the Slipper Room. Although I wanted to go out with a bang, the above ground train kept delaying over the freezing cold. I started to panic when I approached Manhattan exactly at call time, I thirty minutes before session started.

I had managed to get all my makeup on, lashes included, as I sat waiting anxiously on the Williamsburg Bridge. Where I need to be was just over yonder, I can almost grasp it. At least there was a beautiful sunset. People always watch me on the train when I put on my makeup, but I have gotten used to it. I have gotten surprisingly steady with liquid eyeliner on a moving train. Cars are actually harder. When they see that the application is going high scale, bigger than date night look, they watch curiously with a respectful distance. Sometimes I briefly catch eye contact with elderly men and women, who look at me with this endearing nostalgia of when pin ups were really Pin Ups. I smile at them and get back to work in the mirror.

I had no time to waste and changed my clothes in the taxi. I told the young driver my plight and he had his mission. Our theme was exotica and here I was peeling off layers and layers, even changing to a strapless bra, to transform into a tropical beauty. Scarves were replaced with sweet smelling coconut oil, my head before wrapped was now blooming with pink peacock plumes. And of course my favorite beautiful stargazer lily clip. When it comes to summer wear, the Floridian comes out shamelessly in me. This is my terrain, I understand the art of flip flops.

Despite the cabby's best effort, traffic made us practically idle just a few blocks away. I felt no choice but to hoof it, crunching through the snow with a long maxi dress billowing out of my Winter Wonderland red coat, a promise of warmer times just a few months away. Oh how you tease chartreuse and flamingo pink! Feathers bopping all down the block where everyone was staring at me. I've gotten used to it, haven't we all? I didn't have to time to care, nor even shiver.

Posing as an art model is a lot different than posing for a photoshoot. Standing still is a skill. The ten, twenty minute poses are especially challenging, and when I first starting working with them I would over commit to my poses. I remember a couple times my knees buckling or arms going entirely numb. Keeping a facial expression can also be tricky, as I try to bring something that tells a story, sometimes I have to switch between two different expressions. Or else my face may stay that way! I have been told that something that I bring into my burlesque and modeling is deep emotions, whether bright or dark. I know that when I stare into the audience, my eyes seem to glaze over. I remember my very first burlesque class was with Indigo Blue, where we went over penetrative and receptive stares. I was paired up with Cherry Typhoon, but didn't know at the time. Her stare was intense and lurked even danger deep within. When I eyes started to blur, I asked Indigo if that means I need to see a doctor and she said instead "No! That is actually a very good skill to have!"

I hope to pose again soon on another night, even it means another group, although I really enjoyed working with the Society of Illustrators. The building is a beautiful old Victorian style building, with an old swanky bar included. We used to get dressed in a big beautiful library, with shelves to the very top. All it was missing was one of those cute ladders to slide across in a musical style fashion. Here are a few photos of some of the sketches during my time with them.

Luma Rouge